DEAR FOOLISH WESTERNER,
MY NAME IS MR U. SUKA, AND I AM WRITING YOU BEHALF MY UNCLE THE LATE MR C. ROOK. I COME FROM A SMALL AFRICAN COUNTRY YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF, WHERE WE ARE VERY POOR AND CANNOT TYPE PROPER
ENGLISH OR LOWERCASE LETTERS. MY UNCLE WAS HEAD OF MINISTRY FOR TRAINSPOTTING, BUT BECAME HUNTED AND TORTURED MAN WHEN HE RAN UP US$2,000,000 IN UNPAID PARKING FINES AND CALLS TO BIG BROTHER VOTING LINE.
WHEN WE FLED COUNTRY HE DEPOSITIED AN IMPLAUSIBLY LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY, CONVENIENTLY IN US$, IN A SWISS BANK ACCOUNT. FOR CONVOLUTED AND UNLIKELY REASONS WE ARE UNABLE TO ACCESS THIS MONEY WITHOUT YOUR BANK DETAILS OR GULLIBILITY. I REALISE THAT ASKING YOU TO SEND US YOUR BANK DETAILS REQUIRES A GREAT AMOUNT OF TRUST, HOWEVER WE BELIEVE THAT YOUR FOOLISHNESS, GREED, DOWN-RIGHT STUPIDITY AND LACK OF INHIBITION ABOUT TAKING MONEY FROM POOR PEOPLE, MEANS THAT YOU WILL FALL FOR THIS PATENTLY OBVIOUS CON.
WE WOULD ASK YOU TO KEEP THIS SECRET AND NOT TO SEND IT ON, AS WE HAVE ALREADY SPAMMED 3/4 OF THE WORLD'S EMAIL ACCOUNTS, AND DO NOT WISH TO RAISE SUSPICIONS.
THE EXACT DETAILS HAVE NOT BEEN WORKED OUT BUT WE WILL EITHER: 1)DEPOSIT US$1,000,000 IN YOUR ACCOUNT FOR A PERIOD OF 1 WEEK, THEN REMOVE 90%, LEAVING BEHIND 10% FOR YOUR SERVICES.
OR
2)SIMPLY USE YOUR BANK DETAILS TO REMOVE ALL OF YOUR MONEY AND FUCK OFF LAUGHING AT YOUR STUPIDITY.
WE REQUIRE FROM YOU A FEW SIMPLE DETAILS.
1) YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS.
2) A SUPPLY OF SIGNED BLANK CHEQUES TO ALLOW US TO REMOVE THE MONEY FROM YOUR ACCOUNT.
3) YOUR CASH CARD AND PIN NUMBER.
4) THE KEYS TO YOUR HOUSE, THE BURGLAR ALARM CODE AND DETAILS OF THE WEEKS THAT YOU ARE AWAY ON HOLIDAY.
YOUR IMMEDIATE REPONSE WOULD BE MOST GRATIFYING SINCE WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO THINK TOO HARD ABOUT THIS OFFER AND ASK THE OPINION OF SOMEONE WITH COMMON-SENSE.
IN ADVANCE THANKING YOU FROM THE
BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS
MR U. SUKA.
