SaneScientist

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

The Tuesday Twat

Well as promised, today sees the start of my homage to (or blatant plagiarisation of) The Mighty Crumb themightycrumb. His weekly post "The Friday Fuckwit" always makes me laugh, and seems as good a way as any to lance the festering boild of hatred that certain people seem to engender in me. Its nothing to be proud of , I'm sure you will agree, but if it gets me through the week who cares? Perhaps others could take it further? How about the Monday Moron, or the Wednesday Wanker?

The Tuesday Twat
Harry Hill

BBC

There are those that describe Harry Hill as a comedian. Bear in mind, however that there are also people on this planet who still think that the earth is flat, Elvis celebrated his 70th birthday this week and that Intelligent Design is, well, intelligent CNN.

Harry Hill is described in TV guides as "Zany". This alone should tell you all that you need to know about this big-collared, bald headed, humourless twat. He presents shows such as "Harry Hill's TV Burp" a trawl through the week's TV, typically highlighting the least amusing bits in the least amusing programmes on British TV - namely the soaps. His "act" largely consists of the use of the phrase "Hmmm", the occasional waggle of an eyebrow and something to do with a stuffed badger. Apparently, he used to be a doctor - and before you get all excited, he's no Patch Adams or Hawkeye Pierce. In fact, having watched one of his shows (I say one - what I actually mean is that 3 times I sat down and managed to watch about a third of one show before turning over and watching something funnier - like a documentary on the humanitarian crisis in Darfur or teenage bulimia), I find myself wondering if in fact he wasn't a dentist instead. Watching him bounce around stage in bad fancy dress is as painful as having one's wisdom teeth removed without a gum full of lidocaine.

However, just when you thought he couldn't get any worse - or at least if he did, his presence would be clearly advertised in the TV guide so you could avoid him - the bastard started advertising Boot's the chemists' christmas gift range. I managed to avoid his smug, grinning visage on ITV1 by dint of not watching ITV1 - unfortunately some other commercial channels such as Channel 4 actually have programmes worth watching, so I couldn't help but come across him several times in an evening's viewing. Shouting "You fucking Twat! Get off my screen, you aren't funny!" relieves some of the anger, but unfortunately was frowned upon by my parents during the Christmas Day screening of "Goodbye Mr Chips" - although they did agree wih the sentiment.

So here we have it - the inaugural Tuesday Twat. I can't think of any one more deserving of the accolade. Rest assured that when I do however, I will be sharing it with you in next week's blog.

Labels: The Tuesday Twat(s)