SaneScientist

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

The Tuesday Twat

Gasp! The Tuesday Twat early! I know that its traditional for me to post the Tuesday Twat at 3am on a Wednesday morning at the very earliest - but I'm at a conference from tomorrow and I'm too tight-fisted to pay for internet access. Besides which, sometimes the inspiration just falls in your lap...

EDIT: I've just found that you can edit the date - heh, time travel!

No. 11. Vic Reeves.

BBC Online.

Although never one to kick a man whilst he's down (he might get up - far better to stab him in the back), Vic Reeves has just jumped to the top of the Tuesday Twat list. He and his "comedy" partner Bob Mortimer have of course been asking for an award for years. Lets face it, if The uber Twat Harry Hill got one, these guys ought to get one based on "The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer" alone. Fucking shite. However, in recent years my opinion has mellowed slightly. Sure they are still fucking awful in "Shooting Stars", but they are offset somewhat by the quality of their guests. Ulrikakakaka is surprisingly funny, and they like to invite Jonny Vegas on so that they can say that they have a real comedian on the show. Bob Mortimer, away from Reeves, is also quite good on occasion. Twenty-nine minutes of fame can be OK as long as he steers clear of the "surreal" crap.

In comparison, Reeves elicits mixed emotions now that his career is on the wane. On the one hand I am pleased that somebody has realised what a colossal waste of Licence-Payer's money he has been over the years. But then on the other hand, I can't help feel a touch sorry for him. His last TV appearance was an episode of "meet the ancestors" (Comic Relief doesn't count - Chris Evans and fucking McFly appeared on that). And his appearance on "I'm a Celebrity get me out of Here!" was pathetic - the first thing I thought when he appeared unexpectedly was Bastard - that's ensured his wife Nancy (appearing on the show already under her professional name) will forever be known as "Vic Reeves wife" rather than making her own name. I can't believe she agreed to it.

Most notably though, he has been the voice of the nodding dog in the (too) long-running Churchill motor insurance TV adverts.
Until last week...

Now, call me naive, but if you were coining it as the voice of one of the country's largest motor insurance companies, you'd take care when driving, wouldn't you? Scratch the paintwork backing into a tight parking space and you just know that you'd be the butt of several jokes on Have I Got News for You. Drive up the back of someone at a junction and the tabloids would have a field day.

What you probably wouldn't do is drink drive. And you certainly wouldn't drink, crash your vintage Jag into a stationary car, drive it through a fence and then fuck off before the police turn up.

"Guilty as charged your honour".
Why else leg it? We all have the odd bump now and again. As long as no one is hurt its not a big deal. The police turn up, take a few statements if necessary, determine that you weren't driving like a prick then leave you and the insurance firm to it. Quite aside from being so pissed he hit a stationary car, he obviously knew that he was unfit to drive. If he'd foolishly had a second glass of wine with his lunch and it pushed him over the limit, he'd have stuck around, been breathalysed and expressed surprise and remorse. Instead he scarperred.

So, in addition to being a Twat generally he's also a fucking drink driver.

I therefore nominate Vic Reeves as a Tuesday Twat Squared.

Labels: The Tuesday Twat(s)