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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Tuesday Twat(s)

No. 16. Star Wars Fans

No, not all Star Wars fans obviously. Just the ones that give the rest of us a bad name. You know, the twats that start queuing for the new film, 2 months in advance - OUTSIDE THE WRONG FUCKNG CINEMA!

Y'see I like Star Wars, really I do. A pale imitation of Star Trek it may be, but all-in-all it's a jolly romp. I bought the enhanced boxset over the summer (half-price obviously, I'm not stupid) and hosted a star wars evening complete with free beer left over from my birthday. I even watched Episode II the other day again to remind myself of a few key plot points. I will be going to see the new film with a gang of workmates on the 20th (the 19th will probably be sold out) and it may well be the highlight of the week.

Sure, it's little more than a cartoon, the dialogue in the previous 2 films was infantile and embarassing, it has plotholes that you could drive an imperial star destroyer through and of course Lucas is a truly shite director (American Graffiti blows chunks as well). But on the plus side it's got laser swords that make a "Whooshing" sound, robots and spaceships. That'll do me.

Back to the twats though -
1) Why are they queuing 2 months in advance? My local multiplex will probably be showing it every half hour for the next 3 weeks. I will turn up on the 20th and be a bit miffed if I have to wait for an hour. What is it with these people that queue for months ahead of trivial events? Am I the only person who laughed out loud when they announced the postponement of Charles and Camilla's wedding, and thought immediately of that dickhead who camped outside Windsor castle with a novelty tea towel "To get a good seat". Was it cruel to pray for rain?

2) Do none of them have a credit card? Can they not book their ticket online? Surely, at least one of their carers could buy the tickets on their behalf. Also, wouldn't it be really, really funny, if on the day of the first showing, these weirdos weren't allowed in because normal people had booked all the seats online? Even if they had a bath first?

3) Why are they queuing outside the wrong bloody cinema? Yes, I know that the first films opened at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, but the new one won't be. It's opening a mile away down the road. Are they stupid, stubborn or both?

4) Why doesn't society care about people with these sorts of problems more?

It doesn't even keep them off the streets!
And just in case you thought that they only did this every few years, when a new SW film is released - guess again! Visit their webpage and see what other films they have wasted their lives queuing for.

May the farce be with you.




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