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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

The Tuesday Twat(s)

No. 28. Robert Kilroy Silk.

BBC News

Well it seems that Robert Kilroy-Silk has "resigned" from yet another political party. This time, it was one that he founded himself only 5 months ago. Impressive. At this rate, he'll have been kicked out of more parties than Oliver Reed.

For those of you not from the UK, Robert Kilroy-Silk is very accurately summed up by the word twat. Born in 1942, apparently of human parents, he has turned himself that remarkable shade of orange that only daytime TV stars, Christian Evangelicals and people in the end stages of liver cirrhosis can normally achieve. Unfortunately, despite his near perfect colouring, he was deemed too tall to be given the part of an Ooompa Loompa in Tim Burton's remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Unconfirmed rumours suggest that he may be the new face of Ronseal's Woodcoat.

Kilroy-Silk first entered politics in 1974. Quite how somebody with politics to the right of Timothy McVeigh managed to gain a seat in the (then, left-wing) Labour Party will forever remain a mystery. But then David Blunkett managed it so I suppose these characers can slip through the net from time to time. After quitting the Labour party, he fronted a daytime chatshow on the BBC. This show was a tremendous success with students and other lay abouts (many of whom formed the audience), yet this is in no way indicative of it's quality. In fact it was gob-smackingly, toe-curlingly awful. RKS is possibly the worst man possible to deal with sensitive subjects. Viewers would tune in, then hide behind the sofa unable to bear it as he strutted around the studio airing his opinions, cutting short other people's opinions and flatly contradicting whatever experts the BBC has seen fit to bring in to discuss the subject.

The show ran until 2004, when he was unceremoniously sacked for writing an article that branded arabs "suicide bombers, limb-amputators,[and] women repressors". His protestation that it was actually a reprint of an article he had already published once before wasn't terribly effective.

Having thus endeared himself to and established his credentials with the far-right nutjob brigade, the next logical step was to join the "UK Independence Party". This party had a number of goals regarding Europe and the common currency, but generally they could be summed up by the 3 F's - "Fuck off Filthy Foreigners". And take your money with you. Remarkably he was elected a Member of the European Parliament, where he has vowed to disrupt proceedings as much as possible. At tax-payers' expense obviously.

After a few months in the job, the next obvious step was to become leader of UKIP. That UKIP already had a leader, and nobody wanted RKS to takeover did little to disuade him. His final tactics allegedly included holding his breath, stamping his feet and screaming "its not fair". Nobody was impressed.

Finally, he quit/was kicked out of UKIP (are you spotting a pattern yet) forming a new party "Veritas". Despite already having a job as an MEP, he stood in the May general election, as a member of the UK parliament - and was trounced squarely, as were the rest of his party.

Today he finally announced his "resignation" from the party.

So what next from our peculiarly cadenced, bright orange, inverse jihadist? Now John Tyndall is dead and Nick Griffin maybe spending some time at her Majesty's Pleasure, the British National Party probably need a helping hand. Or maybe he'll just go back to topping up his tan - I hear that the Middle East is nice this time of year...




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