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Thursday, January 05, 2006

Happy BlogDay!

Like a particularly persistent case of Athlete's foot or Thrush - I'm back! And just in time for my 1 year anniversary! WooHoo! Of course, Bystander at the Law West of Ealing Broadway is also celebrating his 1 year anniversary - and he has enjoyed 175,000 hits. Oh well, he gets to lock Chavs up, whilst I just whinge about them, so it's hardly surprising.

Those of you who care about such things, may have noticed that I have managed to miss three Tuesday Twats in a row. Why? I hear you ask. Well here are three possible reasons - try and guess the correct one.

1) It was the season of Goodwill and SaneScientist felt so cuddly and warm inside he couldn't summon up any vitriol.

2) There are no more Twats in the world and the planet's coefficient of twattishness is so low that there are unlikely to be anymore Twat's generated in the near future.

3) My ISP (Vaioni group Ltd for those who don't know) and my parent's AOL account settings conspired to keep me incommunicado for the past 3 weeks, whilst a vicious chest infection kept me in bed for 4 days moaning quietly and thinking about euthanasia.

For those who thought 1 or 2 were likely - hello, welcome to my blog. It's obviously your first time. May I take your coat?

Vaioni are just shit. Nuff said. The AOL problems however, whilst irritating, were also rather amusing. Mum and Dad signed up to AOL a few years ago. At the time, I had my own AOL account so I never bothered getting a username with them. More recently, I am no longer a member of AOL and I keep on forgetting to get Dad to allocate me a username on their account. So when I am at home, I use my Mum's account and password. (For those of you who are thinking "bit risky - what if you find out that your mum is having an affair or likes looking at bondage sites?" - let me introduce you to Mum and you will see why even if I did look at her email, I would find nothing of interest). Recently, Mum and Dad took the plunge and signed up to Broadband. Since Mum looks at nothing more exciting that lesson plans for primary school children, Dad set her parental settings to "tighter than a gnats arsehole" to try and stem the flood of spam and porno pop-ups. Consequently I can't even look at my own blog and you can forget about looking at foul-mouthed buggers like Mosh.

So, rather amusingly, every time I tried to look at anything more racy than the BBC home page, I got a pop up telling me to get permission. Yup, that's right, Mum needs her husband's permission to look at the internet. Next thing you know, she'll be wearing a Burqha, handing in her driver's licence and making noises about a city break to Riyadh.

So, next week, normal service will be resumed. In the meantime though, let me point you toward a book that kept me laughing through the choking fits whilst bed-ridden on Boxing Day.

Fucking genius!



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