Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The Tuesday Twat(s)No. 57. Changing the clocks.
I mean - what's the bloody point?
OK, perhaps I am a little jaded after having a rather fraught time of it this year. This time, I and many other people, seem to have been caught completely unaware. A straw poll of the dozen or so people that I have spoken to over the past 24 hours has faied to elicit a single person who saw it advertised anywhere.
This Sunday, in the UK at least, it was Mother's day. I decided on Tuesday that I would be unusually thoughtful this year and hand deliver a bunch of flowers and box of chocolates to my mother and grandmother. I surreptitioulsy rang my Dad on his mobile and made sure that both special ladies would be available and unaware, before booking train tickets home.
Saturday night, I followed my usual routine of watching TV, catching the late night news bulletins, then scanning the BBC website last thing. My train was at 0930, so I set my alarm clock for a little after 8am and went to sleep.
At 0750 the following morning, I was awoken by my Dad on the phone.
"Sane, I just woke up this morning to find the clocks have gone forward. Did you know? There was nothing on the TV last night".
I might have been half asleep still, but even so I was able to do the maths - it was 0850h and my train was leaving in 40 minutes.
I dived into the shower. No time for a shave, I cleaned my teeth whilst shampooing my hair and resolved to use the toilet on the train *shudder*.
Dressing in record time, I grabbed the flowers, chocolates, cards and the novel I was reading (priorities!) before legging it out onto the main road. The bus was out of the question. However the road was absolutely silent. It was after 9:15 when a Taxi finally appeared on the horizon. Flagging it down frantically, I dived into the backseat.
"Train station... Mothers Day... Clocks gone forward" I carefully explained, as the Taxi performed an illegal U-Turn.
"What time's your train mate?"
"9:30," I cringed.
"Fuck me, you're cutting it fine! Hold on, I wouldn't want you to miss mother's day"
And we were off.
It is at least a ten minute ride to the train station normally. We did it in six! The driver obviously loves his mother very much, because no way was he going to let me miss that train. The speedlimit is 30mph all the way to the station. We hit 55 - on the wrong side of the road!
Needless to say, I didn't wait for my change, not enough time, and he had really earned it. The elevators were out of action, naturally, so I had to run up them, before getting on to the main concourse. I made it onto the train with seconds to spare, the automatic doors closing before I even sat down.
Of course, after all that we spent an hour sitting stationary at the next station waiting because of a signal failure.
But in the end, it was all worth it. The look on my Mum's face when I emerged from behind a row of shelves in the supermarket that Dad had told me to meet them in was absolutely priceless.
The things we do for our Mums eh?
And on a related note, nobody seems to have told the pixies that update the electronic programme guide for E4 on freeview. I missed the landmark 100th episode of Smallville and had to stay up to stupid o'clock to see who got killed off.
Labels: The Tuesday Twat(s)
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