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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

What are you looking for?

Well, it's time again to post a list of the funniest, nastiest and scariest search terms that inadvertant visitors to my site were actually looking for. As always, I have simply copied and pasted the terms verbatim - so don't blame me for the spelling. Although, it should be noted that it is my own unique spelling, combined with theirs that sometimes pushes this site to the top of the search engine's rankings. Ahem.

As usual, the most searched after terms are the ever popular
"Rebecca Loos pig video" and "Paula Radcliffe pissing in the street". One particularly nasty individual wanted "Paula Radcliffe defecating in the street" - so a big Hello! to Gillian McKeith.

Falling into the "amusing but harmless" category, we have the following gems.

scientist haircut
gary glitter picture chasing kids funny pictures
scratching bollocks cartoon
3.2 nanogrammes cocaine (more than once, from different people bizarrely)
weird scientist birthday parties
Chris Martin Hate Club (sign me up!)
criminal offence cases by micheal jackson (Obviously a short list because, as we know MICHAEL JACKSON IS INNOCENT! Seriously, not a shadow of a doubt. No siree!)
flogging a dead horse" BBC 2005 (If the BBC don't commission it, ITV certainly will!)
Famous Scientist Wanted Poster
paranoid peppermint graph
how to lance a boil
noel edmonds hunting (I'd pay good money to do that).
"double-shit" experiment (I assume they actually want the famous "double-slit" physics experiment that proved light is both a wave and a particle. But I could be wrong!)
ratzinger heil papa
we cash cheques pigs arse we do
(I simply burst out laughing when I read that one!)
GREGGS VEGETABLE PASTIES ARE hoax (try telling that to my waistline)
reeves mortimer baseball bat (someone after my own heart)
tricia goddard t-shirt (all the Chav's have 'em!)
arsehole postdoc (Is someone on to me?)
snogging a bouncer
vaioni group jobs
(I wonder if I put anyone off?)
avoiding paying a taxi fare (who do they think I am?)

The next few are the inevitable consequence of using the word "Twat" at least once a week...

biggest twats in hollywood (how long have you got?)
"Vernon Kaye" twat (Definately... but not as much as...)
noel edmonds twat (the undisputed king, I'm sure you'll agree)
smelly twat (I had hoped that they were looking for the Tuesday Twat Award I gave to Smelly People a few months ago)
tangy twat (But this next search term suggests not. Lovely)

The final batch are a selection of the (often quite detailed) sexual fetishes that folks type into Google to get their jollies.
Firstly, the "traditional"
sarah beeney nude (MadDog gets loads of hits a week looking for her and he admits that he isn't quite sure who she is).
implausibly large mammaries
katie price wearing no knickers (probably on the same page as the previous pictures)
kylie minogue bum papparazzi (So many to choose from...)
jade goody big brother drunken kebab video (if you don't understand, probably best not to ask)

Next the faintly disturbing - try not to think about these too much.

boys forced into skirts
bones mccoy's erection
germain greer underwear

The rather specific
she wanked him off in the cinema seat

And the really disgusting
defecation movies
vomit blowjobs

Finally, my favourite.
fine girl scientist naked

Of course, I'll have to enlist help for the last one. If anybody would like to email me an appropriate picture, I promise I'll forward it on without peeking. Honest.



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