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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Tuesday Twat(s)

No. 72. Professional Letter Writers

Anybody who works in the service industry is aware of these people - folks with nothing more to do with themselves than write letters of complaint, over the most trivial of matters, perhaps in the hope that somebody loses their job.

I have nothing against writing letters of complaint per se - last week's Twat Award detailed my attempts to get compensation for being bumped off a flight to Canada - but when someone writes in about something utterly trivial and without merit, it really pisses me off.

Over the past few weeks, there have been a number of incidents that have spurned a spurious letter.

The first was from a local Vicar (no, seriously). With it being the summer holidays, we have been doing badminton classes for kids. Heavily subsidised by the local authority, they cost the princely sum of £1 for one hour. Since these are introductory classes for young kids, much of the class is devoted to playing fun games to improve their fitness and co-ordination. The local Reverend had turned up with dumpy wife and 6 kids in tow and left them in the capable hands of our coach. He sat and watched through the window. After asking me, two coaches and at least one manager if he could bring his kids later - and being told that we don't actually do lessons at that time - he was in a decidedly ungodly mood. So imagine the histrionics when the coach finished the lesson 3 minutes early!

She explained that first of all, they always finish a couple of minutes early with the youngest kids because getting them off the court can be rather time-consuming. Second, she was going off the clock on the court which was 2 minutes faster than his watch (and she had started the lesson using that clock) and that third, she had finished the lesson with a game, which the children had completed a little quicker than anticipated, leaving her no time to start something new in the remaining 2 minutes.

Needless to say, the letter went straight to the head of sports at the council, signed "Reverend" and laments our lack of organisation, shoddy service, our only delivering half a lesson and the appalling attitude of the staff and coaches.

Fuck you Reverend.

The second was just Twattery.
I was covering a (rare) morning shift, when a man of about twenty and his little brother (about 10) were dropped off. They wanted to play a game of badminton and had duly booked a court. The price was £5. He handed me a £50 note.
"Have you not got anything smaller?" I asked,
Opening the till, I saw that we simply did not have that sort of change. Our start of day float is only £50 and we had barely taken £20 thus far. We would have lost all of our coins and smaller notes. That just isn't feasible with gangs of kids coming within the hour, all wanting to pay for their £1 lesson with £10 notes.
"Have you got a credit card?" I asked.
"Then I'm sorry, we can't accept a £50 note. We just don't have the change. You could always nip up the road to Tesco, and see if they'll change it".
"No. Let us on, we'll pay at a later date."
That I can't do. I don't know who he is and won't be on a day shift to grab him if he does return.

The duty manager was summoned, but agreed with me. Little known fact - we are not obliged to give more than £20 worth of change. Why did he have a £50 note any way? Cashpoints don't give them, and unless you are withdrawing huge amounts of money out, the bank doesn't routinely give them out.

Anyway, he wasn't satisfied. Hence another letter will be written. Dumbshit didn't ask my name though, so it probably won't find its way back to me. Ultimately though, we offered him option of going to Tesco whilst we held his court and we couldn't do any better than that. If he had turned up sans wallet, he wouldn't have expected to get on for free, so why should he expect any different if he is foolish to turn up with a £50 note?




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