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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The Tuesday Twat(s)

No. 77. Idiot construction workers.

Here is an absolute gem that I feel will go down in the annals of Fuckwittery. Hell, it's a contender for the Darwin Award! I saw this example of gob-smacking idiocy out of the bus window on my way to work. It was all I could do not to jump off at the next stop, run back and present him with a redeemable token for a gold-plated Tuesday Twat Award there and then.

My daily commute is slowed down (hopefully for not too much longer) by major roadworks on the bus route to the train station. Today I watched agog as a worker trimmed a piece of wood with a circular saw. Leaving aside his lack of eye protection etc, what got me was the way he used his right leg as a brace to hold the wood still. Standing, right leg extended, he balanced the 50 centimetre piece of wood against his shin, using his right foot to stop it sliding off. Using his right hand, he then proceeded to cut (and I saw the blade spinning) the wood upward toward his body. Cutting downwards, any slip would probably have meant he got 50% off at the shoe shop. Moving upwards... well, Mrs Construction worker could probably come off the pill at the very least. He then flipped the wood around and did the same on the other end.

Standing watching him was the brains of the outfit, fag hanging from mouth as he waited, either for the wood his mate was cutting for him, or for a chance to test his first aid skills. I'm not sure which.

I really wish I had a video camera with me. Forget YouTube, this ones destined for those gob-smackingly dull and patronising Health and Safety videos. Or Canada's funniest Home Videos. Definately worth $250, I reckon.

The annoying thing is, that if this genius did slip, you can bet that the poor construction company that made the mistake of employing him would be fined and his managers sued for neglecting to tell him NOT to cut his own leg off with a circular saw.





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