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Saturday, November 11, 2006


Oh, if only real life was like Borat the Movie!

Earlier in the week, went to see Borat the movie. I decided to go and see it after finding out that my local cinema runs a singles evening. Pathetic yes I know, but there's only so much pr0n a man can watch on cable TV before he fancies meeting a girl who doesn't answer the door to the postman in nothing but a pair of crotchless knickers - I have standards!

The evening was actually good fun. The organisers set up speed dating, which was just a hoot. Unfortunately I was late, after playing spin the bottle and spending 5 minutes trying to engage a woman in conversation who admitted from the outset that she only came because her friend was too shy to come on her own. Therefore, being late I was assigned a corner of the room, rather than getting a chance to pick which direction I fancied heading. Needless to say the blonde Amazonians were at the opposite end of the room and I was stuck with the extremely friendly over forty divorcees. Lesson learned for next time! I'm no expert on speed dating, but I realise that there are certain things you shouldn't do.

For example, the forty-something who mentioned her ex-husband in the first sentence then said she was "feeling old", so she decided to try speed-dating. 10/10 for honesty. 1/10 for for choice of conversational gambit. I had 4 "dates", with several very pleasant women, but we didn't click and the little card with my cell phone number stayed firmly in my pocket. I'm embarrassed to say that I wouldn't recognise them if I passed them on the street. The best looking women I spoke to at length were actually the girls organising it. I got talking to another guy and we both decided to see if we could pull one of these lovelys. Sadly they must be lesbians because, despite my having bothered to shave and put on some nice trousers, neither offered me their cell phone numbers.

That's me on the left, trying to pull the organisers.

The movie was fantastic though! It's a movie for the whole family I think - everyone in my family would certainly have found something to be offended about anyway! I'm not going to give anything away, except to say "the scene in the hotel". Those of you have seen the film will probably have thrown up a little bit in your mouth now at the memory - yet will also be trying not to laugh.

Basically, if you go to see the movie with the expectation that you will be offended - you will have a great time. Speaking to people afterwards, I found people saying the same things "bits of the film stepped well over the line and were just plain wrong - but I was laughing so hard I didn't mind".



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